cogitationbox | (no subject)

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[For the first month Law had Kyoko coming to his office once a week for a check-up. The first week he ran labs of all kinds to make sure her body was doing everything it was supposed to (she whined and complained the entire time). After that it was all very routine -- checking her heart, her breathing, her blood pressure, and her reflexes. He asked all the standard questions, followed all the standard procedures. It was a precaution and nothing more.

This was a different world. The rules he was used to back home might not have applied quite like he was used to. Not only that, but Kyoko's body had been without her soul for so long that he just wanted to make sure nothing had the chance to go wrong.

All in all she was in great health. She had some lingering cuts and bruises from her previous fights that she could no longer magic away, but other than that there was nothing wrong with her. She was a perfectly healthy fourteen year old girl.

And he was glad. So, so very glad. Kyoko was able to start living a normal life again. She'd told him that she even started going back to school (something her little brother had been thrilled about). Seeing her smiling and happy and living was wonderful. It filled him with a sense of pride, a sense of fulfillment that he'd never felt before.

He did something worthwhile. He did something that would have made Cora-san proud.

After that first month she started to develop a slight pallid look to her skin. It might have been nothing to worry about, perhaps she had caught a bit of a bug, but nonetheless Law advised her to come back two weeks. She complained, of course. After all, he had promised her that after the first month he would only have her come back once a month, but her health and well-being was more important than a minor inconvenience and a short visit to the doctor.

Two weeks later and here they are. Kyoko up on the examination table while Law busied himself with taking her vitals.

She still looked pale.]

How are you feeling, Kyoko? Any better?

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[And he doesn't want this for her either.

That day when he took her aside and told her that he could cure her, that he wanted to help her and that there were no strings attached he meant it. Every word of it. He wanted her to be healthy. Happy. Free from the curse of her magic that binded her. And he gave her that. For two months she was free and now...

Now Law would have to put the shackles back on.]

I didn't want it to be this way, Kyoko. I wanted... I wanted to be able to make things right for you.

[Kyoko's lip twitch in a smile. That's the way that wishes go. No matter how good a person's intentions, the universe will always right itself in the end. She could almost laugh at her own nativity in believing that it could. It'd been so easy for her to bring another person into her mess, just like always.

She wants to cry, but she shakes her head instead.]

It... It's fine. I don't need forgiveness. I don't need heaven. I don't... I don't need any of that.

[She shakes her head again, but her voice cracks and her fingers grab fistfuls of the fabric of his pants as she buries her face into the crook of her elbow.]

I just... I just want to be happy with Czes...

[That much isn't a lie.]

Maybe you don't need it, but you deserved it.

[All that and more.

But he's not the person who can give that to her. That's not for him to decide.

Law stands up (his legs feel like jelly under him) and holds out his hand. He speaks the word, quiet and small: Room.]

I'm sorry.

[Once again he pushes forward with that stretched out hand and pops the diseased soul out of Kyoko's quivering frame, out of the body of the girl trying to hold herself together on the floor of his office. Silently, carefully, hesitantly because for love of all that is still good in this world he doesn't want to have to do this, but he needs to, so he does -- Law shoves her soul, so big and bright and it's not fair that something this beautiful should be trapped into something so small and ugly by comparison, into the ring on her finger.

Please, forgive him.]

[Kyoko can feel the exact moment when her soul leaves her body. Her consciousness flickers. The flaring pain dies down. It's no worse than a paper cut. She feels empty, sick in a way that the disease that had grasped her can't compare to. It should be easy even for a stranger to recognize the signs of her body pieces itself back together--the color returns to her skin, her movements become more fluid, and in moments it's like nothing ever happened. Only her breathing remains unsteady.

She can't help it. Kyoko wipes her eyes over and over, but the tears don't stop. She hiccups and sobs. She's empty. She'd given up everything. It was the decision she made long ago, but she wasn't ready to live up to it. She could never be ready for that.]

Law...

[Kyoko shakes her head furiously. She steps back from him. She shouldn't say anything more. She should forgive him. She should reassure him that it was enough. He tried. It's okay. Kyoko should say anything other than what she's thinking, but she can't and what comes out is all wrong,]

I didn't want this. I never wanted this. I hate this. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it...

Edited 2016-01-07 04:40 (UTC)

[She says his name and for once he hates the sound of it.

It sounds wrong. Twisted. Tainted.

It's something he doesn't deserve anymore. He doesn't deserve that respect. He's lost that right. He promised he could cure her. He promised he could free her. He promised so many things with an action that was so simple to preform. Law never thought about the consequences, of what might happen should things go wrong. No, no, that's not true, he always thought about the consequences, but he never thought... he never truly believed it would happen. He never wanted it to come to this. It was never supposed to come to this.

Law wanted to help her. He wanted to make a difference in the life of this one child, this one girl who had everything taken away from her. He wanted to give her life back to her. He wanted to destroy the chains that bound her and let her truly be free again. He could never thank Cora-san for what he did for him and now that he's no longer in his own world he can't even avenge him, this... this was all he could do to repay him. All he could do was pay that kindness, that selflessness, forward and now...

Now it was all wrong. Everything was wrong.

He reaches towards Kyoko but she backs away.

Was it him? He couldn't blame her if that was the case. If she was so disgusted by him, if she wanted nothing to do with the liar who ruined her chance at life.

It stings. It turns in his stomach and sits and festers and something hot pricks behind his eyes but he forces the feeling away because it's one that doesn't belong to him. One he doesn't deserve. One she doesn't need to see.

Law reaches out, thinks better of it and drops his hand by his side. He'll wait for her to make the first move. He shouldn't be making assumption right now.]

I know.

[He hates it too.]

[Kyoko shudders, her shoulders rising and falling with each gut wrenching sob. It's disgusting. She's disgusting. Her soul is no longer even fit to be in her body. It's something twisted and corrupt, more than she'd ever known. Her father was right. She's a monster, a witch, nothing that could ever be loved by anyone--]

I'm disgusting, aren't I?

[He's seen that too. By now, he must have realized it.]

This body... Is disgusting, isn't it? This soul... What the Hell is that supposed to be...?

[There's a choked sound that's something between a laugh and a sob. She doesn't know what she's saying, doesn't care.]

Can you still look at me the same way? Could you still touch me? You couldn't, right?

[She shakes her head.]

Not even my father could, y'know...

Edited 2016-01-07 05:23 (UTC)

[It wasn't him. It wasn't him that made her recoil and that makes it worse. She backed away because she didn't even feel like a human being anymore.

It's worse. It's so much worse than her hating him. It's so much worse because she feels like she's a monster. That she doesn't deserve to be loved and treated as a person.

He doesn't say anything. There's no reason to when all he has to do is one thing:

Law reaches out and pulls her into a tight hug. He holds her there, holds her close to his body as she sobs and cries and chokes and he won't let go. He won't because she's not disgusting. She's not a monster. She's not a witch. She's Kyoko. That's all and he cares for her just the same as he did before.]

[Kyoko shakes her head. He can't treat her like this. He can't be near him, but she can't force herself to pull away from him. It's the first time he's hugged her, she thinks. It's the first time he's gotten this close, but the warmth and sensations are dulled. It feels so far away.

She buries herself against him, hugs him so tight that she's sure he'll break. She wails and clings and wishes that she hadn't made that choice. That she'd never made any of them. She wishes that he would leave. It'd make it so much easier if he did, but she doesn't want to and she couldn't stand to be alone right now.]

Law... I'm sorry...

[The apologies spill out one after another. Kyoko doesn't know why she's apologizing. She hasn't for a long time, but she knows she has to. She's certain that she spend the rest of her life doing so. There's something that she's done, something about what she is, that she could never make up for.]

[If he were to stop and think about it he would realize that this was the first time he's hugged her. Law's never been the kind of person who needs physical contact for reassurance. He doesn't give out hugs to just anyone for any reason. It has to be deserved. Needed. This was needed and if Kyoko's holding on to him too tightly he doesn't seem to notice or care.

All he does is quietly rub her back, gently stroke her hair, hold her tight as her tears stain his shirt and her fingers dig desperately into the fabric.

He's not going anywhere. He'll be here for as long as she needs him to be here. He'll listen to all of her unneeded broken apologies, every sob, and every sniffle.]

Don't apologize. You don't have anything to be sorry for.

[Kyoko shakes her head, but offers no argument in response. He's wrong. There's so much that she needs to apologize for--everything that she is, everything that she can never be--, but she wants him to be right. If he's not, she wants to believe him.

Just for a little while she can. His tight grip means that she's alright, still in one piece. His kind words mean can mean that she's still loved. Still worth something.]

...

Can you stay with me for awhile longer?

[Her voice is quiet, timid, almost certain that he'll say no. She clings tighter in response to that unspoken answer with an equally silent request.

Don't let go. Please.]

[He has no intention of saying no. No intention of going anywhere or doing anything other than make sure Kyoko was okay. He's the one who did this. He's the one who got her hopes up and gave her the ability to her live her life as a normal teenager for the first time in a long, long time and he's the one who took it all away.

He's responsible for this and he wasn't about to let her down again.]

Of course. As long as you need.

[And he won't let go, either.]

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