[For the briefest of moments it occurs to Shael that what Leilith said was right. Perhaps those involved don't blame him nearly as much as he does himself. Perhaps the burden he's bared for so long is one of his own making. Perhaps there was wisdom in her words.

Yet guilt is a funny thing. Shael has shouldered this for so long. He's convinced himself that there was no other way. Believes with every ounce of his being that everything that's happened to him has been a consequence of his choices and that surely, surely , everyone would blame him for what he did. That there was no living soul who wouldn't. Told himself that his own family would never want to see him again. Sacrificed them because he was so utterly terrified of facing the consequences of his crime, because he was a child afraid to die. Fought and scraped and clawed his way through life and never truly felt like he deserved anything more because of what of he'd done.

Yes, guilt truly is a strange thing and he hates that she's right. Hates even more that she's the one who said it.

His lip curls into a sneer and he shakes his head in disbelief.]

You would say something like that, wouldn't you?

What does it matter who blames me? What does it matter if you're right? The world is cruel and unforgiving. It doesn't give a shit how guilty I feel. It doesn't care that I was a child. It doesn't care that I was afraid or confused, or that I saw the faces of those men every night when I closed my eyes, or heard the screams of the ones who chased me as I tried to fall asleep, or that I wondered and worried every second of every day about the fate I so callously left my family to deal with in my stead.

The world only cares that I did it. The world only knows that I'm the one to blame. So why should I or anyone else care that I blame myself too?